By Maria Immaculate Owechi
Right from childhood women are clearly reminded of the roles they will play as future wives. And learning of house chores is part of the skill that is passed on. As they grow up, their paternal aunties make sure to give them more talk on how to be good wives.
But the men are minimally groomed and many times not given counsel on being good husbands. It’s rare to hear that one was sent to an uncle for guidance before marriage.
Samuel Ssettumba, a professional marriage counsellor says that even today, the majority of the men seek advice from their fellow peers.
But marriage is a union of two people, and it is important for a man to be aware and knowledgeable about their responsibilities and roles before settling.
According to Stephen Langa, the founder of Family Life Network, preparing a man for duties of one day heading a home starts from childhood, as children learn certain behaviors through observation of how their parents treat themselves.
However, apart from childhood observations, the following are important things a man should know before getting married;
You are the leader of your home
It is important to be self-aware that as a married man, you are the head of the home. This means you have to cultivate good qualities that can match up to the task.
Kojja William Kitonsa, a professional herbalist and Kojja from Bakitonsa Herbal Research Center, reveals that when young men come for pre-marital counseling called okusiba Entaanda, he emphasizes their leadership role.
As a leader, it is important to know that you do not simply call the shots. Marriage is a partnership therefore;
A man should respect their wife
“We teach them to handle and respect their wives, not keep tempers for long, and most importantly, learn how to speak to a lady,” Kitonsa explains.
He says that this is because some men have a tendency of barking at their wives, yet a leader is someone that shows direction, not one that barks.
Settumba adds that marriage is not about age, but how well you can exercise self-control and make wise decisions in the heat of the moment.
Sex education is important
Intimacy is an important component of marriage, therefore, it is important for a man to also be equipped with bedroom skills that can satisfy his wife.
Kitonsa emphasizes that bedroom skills are key because there are cases that have been brought to him of women claiming that their husband is not skilled at performing.
“That is why as Kojjas, we check if the young man’s body is functioning well for him to fulfill his sexual duties,” he says.
“If there are issues, we teach tactics to help them perform better,” explains Kitonsa.
As a man, you are traditionally the provider
Ssetumba advises that a man who is looking forward to be married should have a source of income because sustaining a family needs enough resources to cater for the daily expenses and bills.
“If a man cannot meet this obligation, peace will be lost in the home due to the unwavering demands,” he explains.
It is also advised to learn how to develop a financial plan where you can earn as much as you can, spend reasonably and save as much as you can.
Commitment is key
Hannington Mutesasira, a marriage counsellor at Watoto Church says that a man needs to know that commitment is a key to success in all aspects of life, and especially in a marriage.
He explains that commitment is a decision made consciously and once made, one can always know when something seemingly better will come along, that they made a choice and will make it work.
“One way of staying committed is by considering a long lasting relationship that will never led to divorce. This forces you to face differences and problems and work through them,” Mutesasira advises.
Ssetumba warns that failing to pay attention to these virtues sets your family life on a rollercoaster of disaster. However, if men do their part and women theirs, then they can meet each other in the middle.