By Rashim Nabanja
Getting engaged is one of the most exciting moments in a relationship, however, there are always those stressful things that come along with it. Apart from the wedding preparation stress, one may also worry about what life will turn out for them and their spouse after the wedding.
My Wedding has listed down some of the common concerns couples have how you can work through them as a couple.
According to Liz Higgins, a blogger and licensed marriage and family counselor says finances can be the root cause of mistrust and issues in a relationship. However, if this is one of your worries, you need to talk it out with your partner.
“Decide what your best way to manage finances is. You can have one joint account where you both deposit money and then other separate accounts somewhere else. This can help since both of you will be contributing to the future of your wellbeing,” says Higgins.
She however cautions that the couple needs to talk about it first and make sure that no one is feeling controlled or insecure about the entire situation.
On the other hand, there may be cases where one partner earns more than the other or of one being unemployed. That doesn’t mean you leave all the responsibilities to them. You need to discuss as a couple about how you will work together in order to share opinions about how and when money is to be spent. Remember, two heads are better than one.
Dealing with the in-laws
The relationship you have with your partner’s in-laws before marriage is quite different from the one after marriage. Your in-laws are now going to be your new family. If you feel that you can’t figure out how to relate with them in an appropriate way, this is absolutely normal.
Merging two families isn’t easy. Now you are closer than ever to your in-laws, you need to learn their culture and way of living to make it easy for you. You might have a hard time adjusting however, talking to your partner in case you have something that puzzles you about his or her in-laws is a great start.
Your partner can help you explore your in-laws since she knows them better and with time, everything will feel normal.
Deciding where to live
If you have been cohabiting and you plan on staying in the same spot after the wedding then this won’t be part of your worries. But if you intend on moving to a different place, before or after the wedding, then this will somehow give you a headache.
Faisal Katumba, a businessman says he and his wife had failed to agree on where to stay, “I wanted a place near town and my wife wanted somewhere further away because she considered it peaceful. We, however, talked about it and put in more effort to find a peaceful place near town.”
You and your partner’s choice of where to live may differ making it hard to conclude but always remember, communication is key. Always make sure you have two-way communication and respect each other’s decisions. Always be open-minded to see the good in your partner’s choices.
Aside from deciding on where to stay, moving too can be hectic. However, consider it as a new beginning. Look at each other as two people that are going to start off something new and exciting.
Ignore the entire burden that comes with it and think of everything like an exciting adventure.
Deciding on when to have kids
You and your partner have probably already talked about this issue before you decided to have a wedding. However, shortly after you get married, if you decided to take some time to settle in before you have kids, your plans may get a twist.
Family members and friends will start to ask when you’ll start having kids and with time, the asking will turn into demanding.
The best way to handle this is to find a reply or some sort of explanation as to why you are not pregnant yet. Being honest with your reply will help you get some of that stress off your back.
But if you feel this is more of a private issue, just make sure you have the perfect reply in case you find yourself in an awkward situation.
Remember that people’s opinions should not force you into something you are not ready for. Justin Nakabuye, now a mother of three says she and her husband had decided to have children 2 years after their wedding but the pressure from outside almost changed their minds, “We wanted to be financially stable so that our children could get what they deserved, however, people kept telling my husband that maybe I was burren.”
Nakabuye says their confidence in each other kept them moving and now, she has a set of girl twins aged 16 and a boy aged ten.
It’s important for you and your partner to have each other’s backs, especially in uncomfortable moments. However, you can only do this if you’re on the same page which is why you need to talk things out.
Keeping the spark alive
Your intimacy might change after the wedding. This might not happen immediately but as time goes by, you begin to totally get used to each other. According to Higgins, you could be with the most perfect partner in the world for you and you may still go through seasons where you feel like you are not in love anymore. However, this is where it’s really important to be grounded in the values that identify you as a couple.
Getting married does not mean that you should stop doing what you were doing during the dating process, you should actually do it more.
Keep going on dates, surprise each other, go for vacations, and make sure you pay attention to the little things that make your partner happy.
Always remember that no one is perfect. Get comfortable with your partner’s flaws and embrace them. This is the only way for you to be happy and last in a relationship.