{"id":18906,"date":"2021-08-06T11:52:26","date_gmt":"2021-08-06T08:52:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=18906"},"modified":"2021-08-06T11:55:33","modified_gmt":"2021-08-06T08:55:33","slug":"she-trimmed-down-her-list-of-qualities-needed-in-a-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=18906","title":{"rendered":"She trimmed down her list of qualities needed in a man"},"content":{"rendered":"
By Joan Salmon<\/strong><\/section>\n

James Kiyingi and Rachael Namale Bisirikirwa Kiyingi met at St Kakumba Chapel, where Kiyingi was an old member owing to his long stay in Banda. On the other hand, Rachael was a fresher at Kyambogo University.<\/p>\n

Rachael was interested in serving the children’s ministry where James was already a member.<\/p>\n

But his inconsistency rendered him unserious in her eyes.<\/p>\n

And that irked her.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoining a ministry that was short on teachers yet James was not consistent made him look uncommitted. So when the opportunity arose, I spoke my mind and ended up rebuking him,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Little did she know he was committed to the youth ministry.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo me, all that mattered was the children\u2019s ministry thus my reaction towards him.\u201d<\/p>\n

In return, while her argument was legitimate, all James saw was a new church girl who did not value him as an old church member.<\/p>\n

\u201cI started looking out for her negative side only and waited for an opportune moment to belittle her just to put her in her place. Unfortunately, despite my weird hatred for her, she did not mind,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

After university, Rachael left while James continued with his four-year course. She later got a job that permitted her to continue coming back to church and minister.<\/p>\n

Still invisible in his life, all James saw was a proud girl.<\/p>\n

Divine setup<\/strong><\/p>\n

James also finally completed his studies and later left for Nairobi for a few months. When he returned, he joined the career\u2019s fellowship meant for young unmarried working people.<\/p>\n

To his shock, Rachel was also a member.<\/p>\n

This, to Rachael, seemed like a divine setup.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had loved sticking to a particular fellowship so for me, it was the children\u2019s ministry. However, I felt convicted to join this particular fellowship. It was only during the next gathering that I saw James and it felt good to see a familiar face,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u00a0After fellowship, people always walked in clusters to the taxi stage and it was then that James learned that he and Rachael took the same direction back home.<\/p>\n

\u201cThereafter, it became a routine to walk back home together. I started developing feelings for her, having had a thorough discussion. I also realised she was very principled, did not tolerate unseriousness,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Rachael loved the conversations on their subsequent walks. It is from these that she learned he was an interesting person and looked forward to them each time she came for fellowship.<\/p>\n

With time, James decided to ask her out.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur relationship must have been God-ordained because I later discovered she was waiting for a sign from God for a husband,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Previously, Rachael had a list of qualities for her husband-to-be but came to realise they were unrealistic, forcing her to cut it down to one quality.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll I needed was a person who believed in God and put Him first for such a person will definitely be fully equipped with all that most women look for; loving, caring, kind, forgiving, patient, self-controlled, and purposeful. When I saw this in James and knowing about his passion for God, it was really attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n

No sex before marriage<\/strong><\/p>\n

During courtship, they set rules concerning purity agreeing to wait until after marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo us, this was non-negotiable and one of the things I held with high regard. We also made it a point to always meet and pray, aware that the devil fights marriages,\u201d he says, giving an example of some of his family members who did not like the idea that he was planning on getting married before constructing a house.<\/p>\n

Some claimed he was still young, James was 26 and Rachael 24, and knew nothing about marriage.<\/p>\n

Infact, he says they never hid it because the first time they met Rachael, on his graduation, no one talked to her. They later admitted to James that they did not like her.<\/p>\n

\u201cJames had already told me about how his family felt about me, and I was not willing to take any disrespect from anyone or be bothered by their silence. All was possible because James protected me from them. He always encouraged me to stay positive and was willing to protect me whatsoever,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

With such an atmosphere, prayer was their only source of comfort.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut there was also room for fun, and to celebrate each other\u2019s company. We also sought out mentorship as it was very crucial for us in order to appreciate the subject of marriage better,\u201d James says.<\/p>\n

They had a few lunch meetings with their church elders who advised them and shared their marriage stories and perspectives with them.<\/p>\n

The preparations<\/strong><\/p>\n

On the other hand, marriage preparations were a nice experience for the Kiyingis because James had been a regular member of wedding preparation committees, especially for their church friends.<\/p>\n

This meant help came in readily.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe also spaced our introduction date and wedding date by about a month and it greatly helped us have ample transition time. After the introduction on August 28, we looked for a house and I moved in,\u201d Rachael says.<\/p>\n

A week to the wedding, she went back to her parent’s home and only joined James after the wedding on October 12, 2019. The vows were exchanged at St Kakumba Chapel with an entourage of nine (best-man, matron, two groomsmen, three maids, two flower girls and a page boy).<\/p>\n

Interesting, disappointing<\/strong><\/p>\n

Their first year of marriage was a little interesting as well as disappointing because their plan to have a full year of fun was cut short.<\/p>\n

\u201cRachael conceived ushering in hormonal changes that brought mood swings, and sicknesses. We had to jump the enjoyment stage to prepare for a baby. Nonetheless, during this time, we learnt how to work together, help, tolerate and take care of each other. This created a deeper connection and we bonded more,\u201d James says, adding, \u201cThe best news is we celebrated our first anniversary with a child, and thank God some couples have sought for children in vain. It also helped to reduce and silence the expected pressure from our relatives, especially mine who were really expecting a baby soonest; a son was the icing on the cake.\u201d<\/p>\n

Any marriage suffers challenges and the Kiyingis have also had some though they look at most as micro; hard to remember.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe pressing one was adjusting to life with a baby; handling the night cries, and minimal sleep, especially because I had to work. At the end of maternal leave, the challenge was in deciding whether we opt for a daycare or get a maid,\u201d she says. Click to read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Joan Salmon James Kiyingi and Rachael Namale Bisirikirwa Kiyingi met at St Kakumba Chapel, where Kiyingi was an old member owing to his long stay in Banda. On the other hand, Rachael was a fresher at Kyambogo University. Rachael was interested in serving the children’s ministry where James was already a member. But his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":18907,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":{"source_name":"","source_url":"","via_name":"","via_url":"","override_template":"0","override":[{"template":"1","single_blog_custom":"","parallax":"1","fullscreen":"1","layout":"right-sidebar","sidebar":"default-sidebar","second_sidebar":"default-sidebar","sticky_sidebar":"1","share_position":"top","share_float_style":"share-monocrhome","show_share_counter":"1","show_view_counter":"1","show_featured":"1","show_post_meta":"1","show_post_author":"1","show_post_author_image":"1","show_post_date":"1","post_date_format":"default","post_date_format_custom":"Y\/m\/d","show_post_category":"1","show_post_reading_time":"0","post_reading_time_wpm":"300","show_zoom_button":"0","zoom_button_out_step":"2","zoom_button_in_step":"3","show_post_tag":"1","show_prev_next_post":"1","show_popup_post":"1","number_popup_post":"1","show_author_box":"0","show_post_related":"0","show_inline_post_related":"0"}],"override_image_size":"0","image_override":[{"single_post_thumbnail_size":"crop-500","single_post_gallery_size":"crop-500"}],"trending_post":"0","trending_post_position":"meta","trending_post_label":"Trending","sponsored_post":"0","sponsored_post_label":"Sponsored by","sponsored_post_name":"","sponsored_post_url":"","sponsored_post_logo_enable":"0","sponsored_post_logo":"","sponsored_post_desc":""},"jnews_primary_category":{"id":""},"footnotes":""},"categories":[524],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[1784],"class_list":["post-18906","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-real-stories"],"authors":[{"term_id":1784,"user_id":1,"is_guest":0,"slug":"weddingadmin","display_name":"weddingadmin","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cd3996c46efafdc40969010bfd78c8e4dda9d99318e7dd6403983ea0dadbcfce?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","first_name":"","last_name":"","user_url":"","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18906","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18906"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18906\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18909,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18906\/revisions\/18909"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/18907"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18906"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18906"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18906"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fppma_author&post=18906"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}