{"id":6882,"date":"2018-11-02T16:02:36","date_gmt":"2018-11-02T16:02:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=6882"},"modified":"2018-11-14T07:03:21","modified_gmt":"2018-11-14T07:03:21","slug":"your-partners-friends-affect-your-relationship-and-ultimately-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=6882","title":{"rendered":"Your partner’s friends affect your relationship and ultimately marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Desire Mbabaali<\/strong><\/p>\n

A friend of a friend is also a friend. That’s how contagious friendships can be. Friends have our backs. They make our lives happier. Some rub off on us, so we become birds of the same feather and flock together while others become family, closer to us than blood. Yes, we can\u2019t help using clich\u00e9s when we talk friendship. They get so involved in every part of our lives that often, they influence the people we date, and ultimately marry, not to mention how we relate all together.<\/p>\n

Brenda, 26 who prefers anonymity to speak at liberty, for example shares how her circle of three friends works. \u201cI, and my two other friends (a lady and gent) have known each other since we were in high school, through university up to now,\u201d she narrates. One is a business woman, the other a lawyer and the third a social worker. The three share what they call \u2018a no secret bond\u2019 even when it comes to relationships. \u201cWe all know when each lost their virginity, when one is cheating on their partner, who is single at a given time and of course, who each one is dating,\u201d Brenda says.<\/p>\n

When one of them meets someone they would like to date, the potential girl\/boyfriend has to meet the circle which assesses and judges whether they are a perfect match.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course the other person won\u2019t know that they are being scrutinised under the microscopic eye of the group and what usually matters is whether they have the brains and intelligence the group upholds. Their job, character and personality are also some of the things they really want to know about,\u201d says Brenda. When the potential lover has been approved, they retain the sentiments of the group and the relationship can go on. \u201cEveryone just really expresses what they think of the person, and lets you decide whether to keep them or walk away. I remember a time when our male friend had a girlfriend we both hated, and we kept taunting him over her. We eventually got used to it but they unfortunately broke up for some reason, and we reminded him that our judgment was right,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n

Glorious Turinawe, 24 can\u2019t agree more. \u201cMy best friend has to like you\u2026,\u201d she says emphatically before adding, \u201c\u2026her opinion matters to me a lot. And if my boyfriend doesn\u2019t like my best friend \u2013 because she is like a sister to me, then that relationship has no future,\u201d she says. Derrick Nsimbe, 31 also appears to know the friendship strategy. \u201cIf you want to woo a lady with little or less resistance from her, first become friends with her close friends. If you win them over, trust me, they will put in a good word for you. And the same thing works with men. If my friend felt that a certain lady was worth dating, I am very likely to give such a woman a shot,\u201d he confides.<\/p>\n

But what is the big deal about friends getting involved?<\/p>\n

The friendship effect<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cYou see, when you have a true friend, they greatly influence who you are, your behavior and the decisions you make, including those in a relationship. While in a relationship, friends can influence you to love your partner in different ways, sometimes because of how they also relate with their partners or what they say to you about your partner or the advice they give about and in your relationship,\u201d Nsimbe says. On the other hand, they can also play a big role in how quick your relationship ends, \u201cEspecially when they think you are with the wrong person or, if you are with the wrong friend(s),\u201d he adds.<\/p>\n

In marriage<\/strong><\/p>\n

Additionally, Patrick Oketch agrees that his friends and close family members’ opinion of his partner indeed matters. \u201cBefore I proposed to my wife, I asked my best man, who is also a great friend on his genuine opinion about our relationship and whether he thought it was time for us to go ahead, since I had involved him in my relationship right from the beginning. I can\u2019t say that I wouldn\u2019t have married my wife if he had not approved, but when he okayed the marriage, it meant so much to me,\u201d Oketch says. \u201cI felt I had his support and backing, I felt I could conquer everything. Even up to now, three years down the road, because someone I really like trusted in me that I could make it, I work on my marriage every day to live up to that,\u201d he adds.<\/p>\n

Grace Nakilembe 50, has been married for the last 26 years.\u00a0 She is also the marriage leader at her church, St. Stephen C.O.U, Naggalabi, and has differing opinions from the others.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not let my friends or family members control my marriage and relationship with my husband. It takes two to tangle and that is what marriage is. The first most important people are the two of you, so why not make each other the best of friends and then the rest can come in later? I am not saying I do not have friends who advise me or those I confide in here and there throughout about my \u00a0marriage, I am simply saying, the first friend I talk to about anything concerning my relationship is my spouse and then friends can come in later when things fail,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Francis Kyeyune a relationships\/ marriage counselor notes with caution that in life and our relationships, we need friends. \u201cTo guide us, encourage us, to learn from and to make our lives more complete. However, many times, friends and ourselves either do not put limits to our friendship or the line is just blurred, so we lose sight of where we should and shouldn\u2019t reach,\u201d he notes.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt however is necessary that as a friend, one has limits to how far they get involved in their friend\u2019s relationship. Only take the space and information that your friend has allowed you, and do not go overboard unless it is in a critical situation. But also as individuals in those relationships, know how much information to let a friend in on. Let what needs to be between you and your lover be between the two of you and do not bring in third parties,\u201d says Kyeyune.<\/p>\n

And since different people handle things differently, if it is okay with the couple, let that friend(s) be a friend to both of you so that they are your go-to person in your relationship. \u201cThat however comes with time. Sometimes our partners do not like our friends for one reason or another, which might bring conflict to the two, so since relationships are about adjusting to one another, you might want to rethink and\/or adjust relationships with friends. Otherwise, generally\u00a0 friends are a good thing to have in life. Just know when to draw a line,\u201d he concludes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Desire Mbabaali A friend of a friend is also a friend. That’s how contagious friendships can be. Friends have our backs. They make our lives happier. Some rub off on us, so we become birds of the same feather and flock together while others become family, closer to us than blood. Yes, we can\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6887,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[630,631,632],"ppma_author":[1785],"class_list":["post-6882","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","tag-friends-and-relationships","tag-friends-in-marriage","tag-teamwork-in-marriage"],"authors":[{"term_id":1785,"user_id":3,"is_guest":0,"slug":"enantambi","display_name":"Esther Nantambi","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b1fa0f938f32d805446562e1bb7c32da6a6c7e51bd320fd89d4ba0819146b78d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","first_name":"Esther","last_name":"Nantambi","user_url":"","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6882"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6882\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6985,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6882\/revisions\/6985"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6882"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fppma_author&post=6882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}