{"id":9723,"date":"2019-02-13T13:12:10","date_gmt":"2019-02-13T10:12:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=9723"},"modified":"2019-06-20T16:06:04","modified_gmt":"2019-06-20T13:06:04","slug":"breaking-the-rules-of-ordinary-kukyala","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/?p=9723","title":{"rendered":"Our kukyala didn’t follow the ordinary rules but all turned out splendid"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Desire Mbabaali<\/strong><\/p>\n

When it came to pleasing his fianc\u00e9e, Doreen Kembabazi, during his visitation to her parents popularly known as kukyala,<\/em> \u00a0Dominic Bukenya, the multi-media editor at Daily Monitor had no need for limitations. All he wanted to do was impress his woman. They share their high school romance that finally brewed into a marriage proposal.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Kembabazi stunned in a traditional kinyarwanda outfit when she first came out to greet her guests<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

How they met<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWe met in 2009 when I was in senior six and she was in senior five. We were at different schools, so we largely kept in touch through letters while dating,\u201d Bukenya shares. The two lost touch but bumped into each other last year and rekindled their love spark. There was no turning back.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter those two months of dating, I felt like this was it. I am older than her, but she seemed mature,\u201d<\/p>\n

With Kembabazi\u2019s help and counsel, the two started buying up stuff to fill his big empty house. It however still missed a major something to make it feel like home and it could be summarised with a name; Doreen Kembabazi.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe challenged me! I knew I couldn\u2019t lose such a woman because she gave me peace,\u201d Bukenya excitedly says.<\/p>\n

\"\"
The man of the day chose a checkered blue and brown coat over his Kanzu for the day<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Bizarre proposal?<\/strong><\/p>\n

About three months later, in October, he bought a ring. For two weeks, he kept it not knowing how to give it to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day, as she was looking for something, she found the ring and it fell on the ground. I of course panicked to get the ring before she saw it because this wasn\u2019t the right time and way I wanted to propose. She got inquisitive thinking it was a girl\u2019s earring or ring. She insisted I show her what I was concealing, so I gave her the ring. It was still new and had a seal. I told her how I had kept it for a long time. I got the ring, and with both of us standing, I asked her to be mine. I just wanted her to be mine. So, I put it on her finger and she cried,\u201d he narrates.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he proposed, it felt like it was the right time,\u201d Kembabazi admits.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Bukenya and his sister (in gomesi) pose for a shot with his wife-to-be.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Preparing for Kukyala<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIn January, her mother was coming from the UK and I felt it was opportune since she normally isn\u2019t around. So, I asked her if I could visit her parents, for her mother who is a very important person in this was going to be around. She was shocked I wanted to do this,\u201d says Bukenya. \u201cI decided to take him home in Nakumunye, Wakiso on January 26,\u201d Kembabazi adds.<\/p>\n

However, Bukenya confesses that it takes boldness for a man to visit a woman\u2019s family.<\/p>\n

Despite their cultural differences of doing kukyala<\/em>, Bukenya decided he would do it the Kiganda way, and Kembabazi, the Kinyarwanda way.<\/p>\n

\u201cI asked a few people but I was mostly told that kukyala<\/em> is supposed to be simple.\u00a0 They also told me that in Kinyarwanda culture, they don\u2019t take things like we do in Kiganda but rather a cow in cash. I didn\u2019t take that serious. I just wanted to make my wife-to-be happy the way I thought it is done so I insisted we do it the Kiganda way. I didn\u2019t want to go empty-handed,\u201d Bukenya explains how he prepared.<\/p>\n

He would later go with 25 people and his uncle as his spokesman.<\/p>\n

The negotiations<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"
The groom-to-be and his best man arrive at the Kembabazi’s home<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cThe moment we reached and were invited into the home, they told us to choose five people amongst ourselves to go into the house; that is where my sweating begun. I was told that was the bargaining part,\u201d Bukenya reminisces with a smile.<\/p>\n

After sitting inside the house, they were asked the purpose of their visit, which they went on to explain \u2013 an interest in their daughter. This was then followed by the real deal \u2013 agreeing on the bride price.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey told us that with them, everything is sealed with cows. So, we started the tough discussion and negotiations about the pride price. They asked us the number of cows we thought the girl was worth. We told them she was priceless, and asked what their expectations were \u2013 which they told us\u2026 I sweated again. I never thought it would be this hard. We then bargained until we reached a common ground. In the meantime, the girl was not around, neither was her mother; it was just the elders. It was like a probe committee,\u201d he discloses.<\/p>\n

\"\"
The couple have a photo moment upon seeing each other for the first time during the kukyala<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What he didn\u2019t know about this culture was, once you commit to paying a number of cows, you have to pay down one, upfront, in cash.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Tragedy<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThat is another thing that made me sweat, because we didn\u2019t have money, and we couldn\u2019t raise Shs3 million just like that. Considering me coming the kiganda way, we hadn\u2019t prepared for it. We finally resolved to bring the cow in a week, and they accepted. We apologised for not making enough research and they accepted to let us go. But still, they didn\u2019t accept us as their in-laws (kuzaala<\/em>). Possibly because we had not fulfilled their norms. They said we could now go,\u201d Bukenya narrates.<\/p>\n

He however hadn\u2019t seen his fianc\u00e9e and this was cause for them to remain in the house. After submitting their humble request to see the \u2018bride\u2019 they had been bargaining for, they were allowed to see her, and thus, Kembabazi was ushered in.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>A ray of sunshine<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"
The bride and groom-to-be share a light moment. In the background, their best-man and matron seem to join in on the merriment.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cI hugged my woman, took some pictures – it was a happy moment. She then went back, and that was it,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Game changer<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"
Some of the gifts Bukenya took to Kembabazi’s home.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

After having lunch, Dominic and his escorts brought in their gifts. \u201cThey probably didn\u2019t know that we carried these gifts in our culture, so it was a surprise for them. After presenting all these things, we were told that they had now accepted us to be their in-laws,\u201d Bukenya recalls.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>The budget<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThe budget was roughly Shs4.8 million. I had a budget of about 6million, but my family kept insisting that this was kukyala<\/em>, so they cut my budget to around Shs2.5million and made their contribution. But I wanted to impress my woman, so, I decided to add up to make that Shs4.8 million,\u201d he shares.<\/p>\n

Among things he took were; envelopes to the mum, dad and the Ssenga<\/em>, drinks, baskets full of gifts, sugar, rice and fruits.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Kembabazi changed into a gomesi to observe her man’s ganda culture<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Her say <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI was dressed from Kushona Fashions – that is where I work so, I got the attires for free and I changed three times. My first attire was a mushanana<\/em> that was representing my Kinyarwanda culture, the second was a gomesi<\/em> to represent my husband\u2019s culture and the last was an Indian wear which was chosen by my mother,\u201d Kembabazi explains.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Organising to host the kukyala<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

To invite and mobilise friends and family, Kembabazi created a WhatsApp group through which they communicated.<\/p>\n

When it came to fusing\u00a0the cultures, understanding each other was the main point to Kembabazi.<\/p>\n

\"\"
A dance for the lovely couple<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cHe also gave me the shock of my life; kukyala<\/em> is always simple and I didn\u2019t expect him to do whatever he did for me that day. Everyone was thinking it is an introduction, yet it was just a kukyala.<\/em> I was very happy and shocked. I didn\u2019t see it coming,\u201d she notes about the gifts her fianc\u00e9e brought.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, some of the highlights of the day for her was when she came out to greet Bukenya, \u201cI gave him a hug and people were screaming. Secondly was when I got out to be shown to the other people and relatives. He also had a song and he got me up and danced with me, that was very emotional and, in the end, we exchanged gifts\u2026 everything was massive,\u201d she notes. The evening was also followed by a barbeque before they were seen off.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had a very good event that everyone was happy about,\u201d Kembabazi admits.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Bukenya and his escorts arrive at Kembabazi’s home<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>How it was different<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kembabazi notes that right from the numbers of people that attended from both sides, the kukyala<\/em> had more people than the usual small numbers. \u201cSecondly, we had entertainment, performances and an evening barbeque. The things my man brought as gifts were unexpected and too much for kukyala<\/em>. Lastly, we gave gifts to each other as they were leaving,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\"\"
The guests eating their share of Luwombo at the ceremony<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Advice<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"
The decor at the kukyala was in shades of turqoise and brown polkers<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cIf you are marrying across culture, do research. Don\u2019t do what I did, because I imagined that they would just accept my Kiganda culture, that they would just let us do our thing. But they also didn\u2019t want to defy their culture, so, they did it their way which almost cost us starting on a good point with them. You may not know everything about another culture, but know some that are a must. Interact with someone close to the family and ask them what they expect or how things are done,\u201d Bukenya advises.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, Kembabazi advises that people should forget being simple when it comes to trending things. \u201cLately, kukyala<\/em> seems different. I think throwing in a few different things that make it different from the kukyala<\/em> that has happened in the past makes it better. So, just feel free about what you want to do as long as it\u2019s within your means and stop the word \u201csimple.\u201d It is your day, and there is not going to be any other day, so have fun with your family and friends,\u201d she concludes.<\/p>\n

The couple will have their introduction in Kannungu this October.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Desire Mbabaali When it came to pleasing his fianc\u00e9e, Doreen Kembabazi, during his visitation to her parents popularly known as kukyala, \u00a0Dominic Bukenya, the multi-media editor at Daily Monitor had no need for limitations. All he wanted to do was impress his woman. They share their high school romance that finally brewed into a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9724,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":{"source_name":"","source_url":"","via_name":"","via_url":"","override_template":"0","override":[{"single_blog_custom":"","parallax":"0","fullscreen":"0","sidebar":"","second_sidebar":"","sticky_sidebar":"0","share_position":"","share_float_style":"","show_share_counter":"0","show_view_counter":"0","show_featured":"0","show_post_meta":"0","show_post_author":"0","show_post_author_image":"0","show_post_date":"0","post_date_format":"","post_date_format_custom":"","show_post_category":"0","show_post_reading_time":"0","post_reading_time_wpm":"","show_post_tag":"0","show_prev_next_post":"0","show_popup_post":"0","number_popup_post":"1","show_author_box":"0","show_post_related":"0","show_inline_post_related":"0"}],"override_image_size":"0","image_override":[{"single_post_thumbnail_size":"","single_post_gallery_size":""}],"trending_post":"0","trending_post_position":"","trending_post_label":""},"jnews_primary_category":{"id":""},"footnotes":""},"categories":[156],"tags":[1545,1547,982,1546,314,520],"ppma_author":[1784],"class_list":["post-9723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kwanjula","tag-dominic-bukenya","tag-doreen-kembabazi","tag-kukyala","tag-kushona-fashions","tag-traditional-wedding","tag-ugandan-weddings"],"authors":[{"term_id":1784,"user_id":1,"is_guest":0,"slug":"weddingadmin","display_name":"weddingadmin","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cd3996c46efafdc40969010bfd78c8e4dda9d99318e7dd6403983ea0dadbcfce?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","first_name":"","last_name":"","user_url":"","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9723"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9723\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9738,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9723\/revisions\/9738"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9723"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mywedding.co.ug\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fppma_author&post=9723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}