By Rashim Nabanja
Getting married is one thing but staying married is another. Just like any other aspect of life, marriage isn’t just a walkover. It will have its ups and downs but most importantly, the unity that you have as a couple is what will keep you pushing and turn those downs into life lessons.
As NTV’s Flavia Tumusiime and her husband, sport’s journalist, Andrew Kabura celebrated their one year in marriage, Flavia in an episode on her YouTube channel shared some of the things she has learnt as a newlywed.
Flavia reveals that however much you plan for how you want things to go in the due course of your relationship, just like in life, marriage has no guarantees. There will always be those little things that will catch you off guard no matter how much you and your partner agree on what you want to happen ahead of you. She, therefore, advises people to always give room for things to wiggle a bit and let them take the direction that they are meant to take.
“My first year of marriage has been full of surprises. No matter how much we worked towards achieving something, there are those things that took opposite directions,” She reveals.
Who you choose matters
Who you choose to marry and have children with isn’t a joke. According to Flavia, Some may think getting married can be done to just be gotten out of the way but also, who you do it with is really important because this is the person you are going to experience with everything that happens in your life.
She, however, adds that aside from your life partner, who you choose as a friend, a workmate or people to hang around affects a huge part of your life like making good/bad decisions or even the direction that your life takes.
For any relationship to thrive, you need to communicate. It is one of the biggest ingredients even outside of love. Flavia disclosed that she had to learn the hard way that communication isn’t only about talking, but also about listening and observing, “Most people think that learning their partners is all about the ‘tell me’ aspect, they expect their partner to always say what they feel not knowing that some people can communicate through their actions.”
To her, communication looks totally different when you are doing a lifetime commitment. She says it is important to observe your partner as some people will tell you through actions or their silence, “Someone may lie to you in a conversation because they are under pressure and they say what they think you want to hear.”
Celebrate the good with the same energy you have when frowning upon the bad
Flavia says the energy that you use to judge when something goes wrong in your relationship should be the same energy you use when something great happens like, “When your partner does something nice for you, does something without you telling him, when he responds in a kind way, when he does something nice for others that is sweet and when he is respectful.”
She says people tend to take the good as normal but exaggerate the bad.
According to Flavia, this has been one of the toughest things she has had to learn in her first year of marriage. She had to accept that she isn’t always perfect and sometimes, she could do wrong and there are things that she was not good at.
She, therefore, advises people to always accept themselves and that sometimes, they are not necessarily right. “Where you are not good, accept help, or simply acknowledge that you were wrong,” she says.
She, however, adds that accepting the other person is also important, “Don’t try to mold them, accept them for who they are, I learnt to accept my husband for who he is and this way, I got to see a lot of new beautiful things about him that I hadn’t noticed before.”
The couple exchanged their vows on January 12, 2019. We pray to see them celebrate more years together.