By Philip Katoto
What you need to know:
- Healthy management of conflict helps us make choices that create opportunities for both spouses. After all, life is the sum of all your choices because wisely negotiated choices are the hinges of destiny.
During a conflict or disagreement in a relationship, our most precious beliefs and values get tested. One might wonder why, especially if the couple got together because they had shared values.
Although sometimes not openly discussed during dating, why do values later appear to take centre stage in differences or conflicts that marriage partners are confronted with?
It goes without saying that choices have consequences.
Therefore, weighing all aspects of an issue objectively when deciding is important, particularly where part or all the arguments presented come in direct conflict with convictions. It is possible for a relationship to die as soon as it starts.
Many other relationships fade along the way depending on the choices we make. Although easy to make, choices guide the behaviour and actions in the relationships.
In marriage, partners will clash over morals or integrity standards expected of each other. When our most deeply held beliefs and principles are at stake, we might heighten the conflict out of a desire to be heard or just categorically refusing to negotiate on them.
Value conflicts include norms, beliefs, and identities we hold dearly. Now, these become difficult to resolve since this is the seat of who we are and our emotions. Strongly and deeply held beliefs, values or morals can lead us to uncompromising attitude where we refuse to make allowance for each other even when the held belief or value is faulty. This is where relationship fights become ugly. How do we resolve conflicts that arise over values?
Revisit your values
It is important to check whether the value is truly sacrosanct. Is it core that it cannot be compromised? If one partner is still of the view that their values are core and non-negotiable, then it is hard to change their stand. The question is whether we can consider one or more values as non-negotiable.
The answer is yes.
There trying to understand why your partner feels convicted the way they do is important. For example, a lady may break a relationship over sexual advances by the boyfriend. Because the man sees sex before marriage as a non-issue, the other sees it as a violation of a deeper belief. But not all values are non-negotiable.Click to read more..