By Joan Salmon
What you need to know
- When a marriage is dying, both parties long to be heard. However, if one of you ends up doing all of the listening, while the other spouse does all the talking, then maybe it is time for you to speak up and make yourself heard as well.
- The Bible says Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” The same applies to a nagging husband because at no time does one desire to stay with a partner that complains about every fault of yours.
The genesis of most marriages is embedded in bliss, joy and a bright future. They are like a cookie that has just been taken out of the oven; the aroma is inviting and the taste is something to behold. Indeed, the intimate friendship newly married couples have creates the feeling or atmosphere of closeness, bonding, and openness towards one another. However, with time, this bliss evolves into negativity as challenges arise.
Remember the days when you would text or talk to each other the whole day? Dickson Tumuramye, a marriage counsellor, says this should continue even in marriage. Sadly, for some, this frequency in communication with endearing words rather than demands starts fading away, gradually.
“There is reason to worry when the calls, SMS texts, and WhatsApp messages no longer come in as regularly as before. When you notice this, it is prudent that you dig beyond the surface. Another issue is when your spouse enjoys talking on their phone more than with you. It gets worse when you get a rude remark after pointing out the communication gap,” he says.
“As a spouse, you know your partner’s temperament and character and now is the time to use that knowledge to broach the subject so that you can get good results. That said, desist from nagging behaviour and allow the person time to answer. Getting professional advice will also help because the counsellor is neutral,” he advises.
Where open communication between spouses has run dry, being secretive starts cropping in as well as taking leave from one’s presence to have a phone conversation. “This causes trust breakdown and solutions must be sought,” Resty Kabugo, a relationship counsellor, shares. She adds that one should desist from checking their partner’s phone since this will not stop the habit but infuriate your spouse.
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