Time check; 11am on December 25, 2018, at a Pentecostal church in Wakiso District. A record number of seemingly animated Christian adherents have turned up to commemorate the birth of our messiah, Jesus Christ. I have also taken an unusual decision this morning to get counted as a churchgoer.
Before long, a youthful pastor steps onto the podium with the charm and poise of a truly anointed shepherd. I at first sight dismiss him as some newly converted novice on a trial exercise. But when he starts to deliver his sermon for the day, he easily comes off as an exemplary curate. He is measured in his presentation, meticulously astute, disarmingly frank, poignantly eloquent and yet intellectually aggressive.
Forget about your everyday pastor’s theatrical preaching style; miracle healing powers; repetitive ‘Praise the Lord chants’ or even the now fashionable corruption of God as ‘Gaad’. This pint-sized preacher is a class apart. So classic and captivating is the juvenile pastor’s preaching that I have since resolved never to miss his service.
But alas, there is a sad side to it too. I particularly take issue with a lady who waltzes in late with her skimpy see-through attire that leaves very little (if any) for unholy imagination! She is in the company of an equally cantankerous male partner in baggy wear, who walks with a typical ghetto swagger completely oblivious of the eyebrow-raising effect of their eccentric arrival. The flamboyant man sits on the pew immediately in front of the one the lady has taken. The two frequently keep stealing lustful glances at one another and it is amply obvious that the couple still has some unfinished business to accomplish!
When it comes to singing the praise song which the pastor has picked on, the man is hypocritically too loud, exuberant and bubbly. He sings like a spiritually possessed religious zealot and uses body language to reinforce the entertainment value of his performance.